


Eggsy Learns A Thing

by ebenflo



Series: All The Kingsmen [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eggsy Unwin is a Little Shit, Eggsy Unwin is oblivious, Eggsy jumps to conclusions, Fluff and Angst, Harry Hart is mysterious, Kingsman rom-com, M/M, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, cheating - maybe, spy-husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 06:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11984190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebenflo/pseuds/ebenflo
Summary: Harry Hart, international spy, drama queen extraordinaire and love-of-his-fucking-life is cheating on him. Of this, Eggsy is 100% sure. Okay. 90% sure.





	Eggsy Learns A Thing

Harry Hart, international spy, drama queen extraordinaire and love-of-his-fucking-life is cheating on him. Of this, Eggsy is 100% sure. Okay. 90% sure. How else could he possibly explain the late night phonecalls (details later scrubbed from Harry's phone and completely untraceable, _of course_ ), the various new scents on Harry (honestly, Eggsy has a nose, and what is that anyway, vetiver?) and the hurriedly stashed away things that Harry keeps from Eggsy's (if he's honest with himself) prying, nosy little eyes.

Harry Hart has tired of him.

Harry Hart, who is strong, intelligent and handsome, is just - so - over, Eggsy and his chav self that he's taking up with a Spanish underwear model called Javier and moving to Majorca. They will have two dogs and a housekeeper named Fiona.

Eggsy mopes around HQ like a forlorn housewife whose husband has died in the war.

"For cryin' out loud lad, what's gotten into ye?"

Merlin, actual tech wizard, is the first to grow weary of Eggsy's hang-dog expression and says so. Eggsy gives him nothing, instead making his next case report so utterly faultless that Merlin actually has the gall to check Eggsy's temperature and ask him if he's okay. Eggsy bats him away waspishly, dead-sure that Harry can hear all of this and is just ignoring them. Harry, who still looks so devastatingly debonair in his bespoke suit that when Eggsy's not salivating over him or cracking a stiffie (he's a young, hot-blooded male - and yes most of that blood seems to pool in one place, so what?) he's fighting the sense of impending doom that one day he will wake up and Harry will no longer be his.

And yet Harry seems totally oblivious.

Eggsy fumes. He fumes loudly by way of letting loose in the shooting range (yes, Amelia tells him, he will have to replace all eleven mannequins he has demolished) and he fumes quietly, sinking in his fourth whiskey at the HQ bar until Dagonet eyes him with great sympathy and pulls the bottle away. Eggsy is a champion of fuming.

"There must be some reason for all of this, I'm sure of it," Roxy placates, dusting off her jacket covered in plaster that falls from the ceiling when Eggsy near takes the door off its hinges through the force of the _slam._

"Rox unless you know something that I don't..." Eggsy pleads, unable to keep the whine out of his voice.

Roxy 'hmmm's in a totally noncommital way, suddenly interested in a speck of lint on her trousers.

 _Well then, that solves it. This is a conspiracy._ Eggsy huffs and storms away from Roxy, ignoring her calling his name. Eggsy's now certain that everyone else is in on this whole mess. Harry's sent them the invites to the house-warming in Majorca. Javier has landed a deal with Calvin Klein. He's got a bigger bulge than Eggsy, and hasn't Eggsy just gained a few pounds anyway? Harry's forever referring to Eggsy as his "muffin" - probably referring to his paunch the whole time. _Well we'll see about that_ , he thinks. _Jokes on THEM, innit?_ He's totally on to their plotting because clearly they're all covering for Harry. Poor Eggsy, they must think, poor stupid Eggsy to ever believe that someone as fucking _amazing_ as Harry Reginald Hart would ever truly take Eggsy as he is. Even his bloody initials spell out His Royal Highness. Asshole.

And it all comes to a head on a Friday night in September when Harry asks to see Eggsy after work - at work! This is it - Harry is finally going to break up with him. As they say, the truth will out. He doesn't even have the heart to tell Eggsy in their own home, he has to do it at their place of employment. That _fucking_ _bastard._ Even when he's going to break Eggsy's heart, Harry bloody Hart still manages to look utterly stunning. He's wearing that deep blue blazer that Eggsy adores and his hair is perfectly coiffed. He looks unsure and Eggsy wants him to _sweat bullets_. Motherfucker _._

"Eggsy I - Eggsy what are you wearing?"

Okay really, why would Eggsy wear a suit to the worst moment of his entire life? Heartbreak demands that one be comfortable. And wearing flats, for a quick getaway to go cry in the loo. Eggsy looks down at his worn and faded jeans and Adidas pumps and shrugs. Harry looks disappointed and Eggsy has to ignore how sad he actually feels to see that look on Harry's face.

"I had rather hoped you would wear the suit I had made up for you?"

"The suit I...Harry what?"

And fuck if Eggsy isn't confused by all of this.

"The suit I had made up for you. Dagonet and I had it styled especially for you last month. Yes it was rather supposed to be a surprise, I left it on the ottoman this morning, with the note. You did see my note?"

No, Eggsy didn't, because Eggsy had rather childishly slept on the couch last night and left for work before Harry had even stirred.

"I din' get no note bruv." Eggsy kicks himself, because he might be a Kingsman, but when he's upset and confused his voice always betrays him, always let slip of his true roots in the Estates.

"You got in so late last night and left so early," Harry muses to himself. "Anyway I'm sure there will be time and place to wear it, I daresay you will have such an occasion coming up soon. Or so I hope. The material is rather lovely."

"The material is- the fuck are we doin' 'ere?" Eggsy asks, suddenly feeling angry that Harry is even bothering to put on this front. If he's going to let down Eggsy gently - then _fuck gently_. Eggsy wants him to rip it off like a bandaid. Eggsy can deal with the wound later. "If you're gonna say something then out with it-"

Harry looks absolutely startled by Eggsy's outburst. He steps forward to touch Eggsy's elbow but Eggsy jerks away like he's been burned.

"No, you don't touch me."

"Eggsy I-"

"No! Stop it! For months now, you've been - and will you stop looking around at that door!" All through their conversation Harry has been sneaking furtive glances at the door to their boardroom, and Eggsy is suddenly struck with the thought that maybe he's about to get hit with a sneaky amnesia-dart.

"Eggsy, please if you'll just-"

"You say I came in late but wot 'bout all them times you got up like, real early n' you was on the phone with-"

"Eggsy, darling, I-"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING EGGSY DARLING ME! Then you was late and you came 'ome smelling like-"

"I can explain Eggsy, if you'll just-"

"And then you ask me to come to work, like you aint got the balls to-"

Harry whirls around on him, eyes wild and hair wild from where he's running his hands, agitated, through it.

"Because, you little hellion, I'm fucking trying to propose to you!"

"You- wot?" Harry lets out a great sigh as if this should be the simplest most basic thing, though his eyes have softened from their manic state and his expression is somewhere in the vicinity of _fond_.

"Yes. Gary Unwin. I am _trying_ to ask for your hand in marriage, if you would be so kind as to calm - the fuck - down. And let me finish." Harry talks in a measured, calm voice like a parent trying to explain something very, very simple to a child.

"You- I- "

Eggsy gapes, mouth opening and closing ridiculously. He supposes he probably resembles a goldfish. He steps in and takes a few sniffs at Harry's collar.

"Vetiver?"

"Quite correct, you always did have a nose on you. Yes Eggsy, a special blend I had created especially for this day to symbolise our bond."

"The packages...oh."

"Your suit, that I had rather hoped you would wear to your own engagement. And this."

Harry holds out his palm and on it sits the most simple yet elegant ring Eggsy has ever seen.

"And the phone calls..."

"You will be unsurprised to learn how difficult it is to get that many people in one place at one time."

And Harry opens the boardroom door.

"Surprise....! Oh."

A room full of their nearest and dearest falls silent when they see Eggsy's tear-stained face. Roxy rolls her eyes and Merlin looks so - damn - over - this - shit.

"He hasn't said yes yet," Harry informs the room calmly. "We've been a little waylaid. A miscommunication of sorts."

"I've been a right berk, haven't I?" Eggsy says by way of apology, turning and facing Harry. There's no disguising the fact he's been crying and threatening to do more of the same. But then again, Harry's eyes look a little shiny too and Eggsy swallows down the thick lump in his throat.

"And yet I love you all the same, Eggsy Unwin. With every breath in my body, with all that I am." And then much to Eggsy's great joy and horrified embarassment, Harry drops to one knee, joint replacement and four tendon injuries be damned. "Will you do me the honour of accepting this ring and taking me as your husband?"

"Fuck yes," Eggsy whispers, and amidst the thundering applause (Kingsmen) and wolf-whistles (Jamal and Ryan, his boys have got his back) he falls to his knees, and cradling his soon-to-be-husband's face in his hands, gives Harry the filthiest most heartfelt kiss of their lives. In that moment, Eggsy swears down that he will never, ever again jump to conclusions...

or at least, he'll be more thorough when he shakes down Rox for the goss.

 

 

~~THE END~~

 

 

 

...maybe


End file.
